I am joining with Kate Motaung for letters to grief link up :: share your story
A Medley of Short Notes to Grief
(in which my convoluted relationship with grief displays itself)
O grief, my heart and thoughts are divided over you. I love you and I hate you. You’ve been too close of a companion since I was young when my father departed this phase of life.
You remind me over and over that you are there, and that you await me. You attempt to wrap your tentacles of sorrow around my soul, hoping I will again believe you instead of believing Abba. You remind me of my history, and sometimes tell me what my future will be.
Yet, here, O grief, I draw the line. You cannot and will not dictate what is to come for me. My good Abba decides such things, and I will listen to and agree with His desire and care for my soul.
You will not tell my heart what I must believe. Your shadow is not greater than Abba’s light. Your platter of intricately fashioned heaviness that you try to serve me is not tempting anymore. I choose life and joy instead. You are diminishing in me as His whisper awakens my soul.
You are an ebb and flow, O grief
As the vibrancy of the notes of the symphony rise with ever-increasing intensity and then fall again, you are the stringed instrument left playing a soft chilling refrain eerily murmuring to my soul,
I attempt to shut out your haunting melody not wanting to hear one more familiar note
You are not my friend, yet you have been so close
You crept up on me so many years ago
You visited once, and then came back again and again,
Presuming you were welcome
Grief, you are woefully terrible.
You are an opportunist waiting for a miscommunication, or a feeling of rejection, or a lie, or an accusation to hastily show up again
Grief, you haven’t told me the truth. You’ve tried to come and find me and strangle me. You’ve crossed the line.
You’ve attempted to seize my heart as if you were its master
Yet, grief, you are not my master, and you are not my friend
Death, where you find your strength, will one day be overcome
The sting of death is already awaiting burial
Time after time, again and again, you come and you attempt to grasp hold of my heart and my emotions, yet you have lost
Grief, go back to the pit where you belong
Death, sorrow, and mourning will one day soon have its end
Grief, you will go with them to burn up and be consumed by life eternal
O grief, can I cast you away altogether?
For I remember when you first came, and He came as well
I remember when you visited me with your waves of sadness
So He visited me with a deluge of His comfort
O grief, can I condemn you altogether?
For every time you visited, He came too
Every moment you tried to grip my soul,
All I had to do was cry out and Abba quickly rescued my soul from you
As I end my letter, I turn my words and my eyes to Abba who is my true Friend, my true Master, and my true Father
I say to Him:
Abba, Father, My G-d, My Maker
It is with gratefulness I write
It is with thankfulness I am able to seek you
It is with gladness deep within my heart and soul
That I cry out to You today,
To the One who found me in the midst of misery and loss
You found me, You rescued me,
You saved me from darkness and death completely
You brought me joy,
And You will bring me joy again,
That I may know You more,
That I may serve You wholeheartedly
That I may love You and love others freely
Without fear of loss
Your love will wipe out death and sorrow and grief
Thank You that Your love and Your life within will have its way in me